The thing about change is this: anyone can make it. Ideas are everywhere; it’s easy to latch on to a notion and chase after it. I would know. For most of my adult life, I’ve been one to chase the first good idea that popped into my head whenever life became sticky. Don’t get me wrong – I’m extremely steady; I don’t do anything rash or get myself into trouble. I’m the quintessential creature of habit; not one to take any real risks, I prefer the pursuit of change as an idea. Sometimes I even do some of the work to make things happen – I just lack the follow through. Like the time I spent a year in graduate school, only to realize when it came time to write the thesis that I just wasn’t interested. Big change, graduate school. A nice chase, while it lasted. I guess I’m kind of like a cat hunting that ever-elusive red dot: stalking it, batting at it, running after it … but never quite catching my prey.
At least, that’s how I felt in the past.
Picture this: It’s Fall 2012. I’m obsessing – as I have for months – about my 39th birthday. It’s coming soon, and for some reason it has crawled under my skin. When I think about that number – the one before the big 4-0! – I’m reminded that my life is nowhere near as fulfilling as I want it to be, that I’m nowhere near where I had hoped to be by now.
I’m angsty, gearing up for a change … but there is no grand notion to chase. Not even an inkling of one. There’s only a question: What do I do now?
In the feline’s world, the disappearance of the red dot causes no anxiety – the cat just goes back to whatever he was doing before. He forgets the chase. Enjoys a little snooze. Stops hunting and just …exists.
So I follow the cat’s example. Maybe I’ve experienced enough of life to know this time is different. Maybe I’ve matured, or grown tired of quests that lead me nowhere. Whatever the reason, I decide to stop trying so hard and allow the question to remain unanswered. It isn’t a comfortable way to handle things, nor is it easy. But I sit with it for a long while, swirl it around in my subconscious, give it time to percolate. And, strangely enough, the answer does come. Gradually. Thoughtfully. Without rush.
Answers to meaningful questions, it turns out, take time to form. With each small step, they become, usually making themselves known when we least expect it …
Step 1: Do something that makes you happy.
A post on Facebook from the local Humane Society was putting out feelers for volunteers. I asked, on a whim, what types of opportunities were available. Within minutes, I had received an email describing what I might do: meet kitties at the shelter, get to know them, and write fun bios for them to post on the website. Writing experience and a love for animals required? Purrfect!
Within weeks, I realized that this was what I’d been missing. I felt like I had found my “calling.” What could be better than spending every day with animals in some capacity? Helping them, loving them, working for their best interests … I couldn’t imagine a better gig. I was happy.
Step 2: Carry your happiness with you.
It’s a simple thing, and happens easily, if you let it. Doing what made me happy brightened my perspective. Disagreeable situations became more bearable. I laughed more readily. Smiling was the most natural thing in the world.
Step 3: Embrace what excites you.
I'm not sure if you know this, but when you’re happy in one area of your life, that happiness spills over into others. Opportunity beats down the door and offers more fun, more excitement, more chances to live “in the moment.”
Example: One day while watching YouTube, I came across a video about the Spartan Race. For those who don't know, this is an obstacle race - you get muddy, you get cold, you breathe hard and ache all over. As I watched, I kept coming back to the same thought: I want to do that! I wasn’t fit (far from it). I wasn’t trained. I had no idea how to prepare for such an event. I didn’t care. All I knew was that I wanted to do it. I embraced the excitement.
Step 4: Step outside of your box.
Sometimes, these opportunities for happiness require that we go beyond what’s comfortable. They can make us squirm, or force us to step far outside of the box and do something that we might otherwise think is “crazy”. One morning, as I thought about the Spartan Race, I realized it would be a wonderful way to commemorate my 40th year. It would be a great adventure! A way to embrace the excitement of life and do something entirely different from anything I’d done in the past. But why stop there?
When my sister turned 40, she commemorated the milestone by doing 40 charitable acts in 12 months. Through this process, she changed many lives – not only those directly impacted by her activities, but also those of her family, her friends, her community, and strangers in other cities – even other countries. She inspired people to make a difference. She effected change in the world.
I was aroused by my sister’s experience. Do something meaningful. Make change.
Change comes first from within. My father has always tried to impress upon me the need for living “inside out” instead of “outside in.” In other words, one must choose how to live and experience the world, rather than allowing the world to dictate how one feels and lives. As my father so wisely says, “You can’t change others. You can only change yourself.”
For my 40th year, I have decided to make change. To live inside out. To see the world differently … to experience it in a new way. To find more happiness, to carry it around, to embrace new ways of thinking and acting. I’m stepping outside of my box with 40 experiences in 12 months. I will challenge myself. I will do things that make me uncomfortable. I will take more risks, scare myself, get excited, do things that stretch me beyond what I’ve done before.
I’m jumping out of my shell. I hope you'll join me on the journey.
Can't wait to see all the amazing things you'll experience...and maybe even join you on a few adventures!
Wow, Michelle! I am soooo looking forward to sharing this year with you! And I can imagine there is a multitude of "kindred spirits" ready to do the same. I predict you'll get some exceptional ideas from those inspired by your pursuits. Living inside out is so liberating, it's a feeling worth living and experiencing. Can't wait!!!